By Henry de Montherlant
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
“We like someone because. We love someone although.” This memorable Henry de Montherlant quote about relationships has lingered in the minds of many for its honest look at how we care for others. With just a few words, it draws a meaningful line between liking and loving, hinting at the complexity of lasting connection. Anyone who has cared deeply for another person will recognize the truth at the heart of these words. In a world filled with shifting friendships and complicated bonds, this quote stands out as both practical and emotionally resonant.
What Does This Quote Mean?
To understand this Henry de Montherlant quote about relationships, imagine the reasons we feel drawn to new people. Liking someone often comes easily and is based on the things we notice first: great conversation, shared interests, or simple charm. When we like someone, we admire their qualities, and these positive features pull us in. The word “because” signals clear reasons and a kind of check-list thinking. He is funny, therefore I like him. She is reliable, and so I enjoy her company.
Love, though, is much wider in scope. It requires seeing the entire person—their strengths and their flaws. Loving someone “although” means accepting imperfections, quirks, or even contradictions. It is about choosing connection in full awareness of what makes a person complex or even difficult. The “although” moves beyond just liking the good parts; it is a conscious act to hold space for their less appealing traits too.
This quote underscores a deeper insight: real relationships demand tolerance, empathy, and forgiveness. We may like someone for their wit, but we love them despite their tempers or insecurities. True love is not blind—rather, it sees everything clearly and remains steadfast. This distinguishes shallow affection from committed, supportive love. The quote reminds us that to truly love is to see, accept, and carry on not only because of someone’s best features, but also although their shortcomings exist.
How Can You Use This Quote in Life?
1. Accept Flaws in Relationships
Relationships, whether romantic, family, or friendship, all require acceptance of imperfection. It is tempting to focus only on what we enjoy about someone, but real closeness grows when we acknowledge and work with the stubborn, messy parts. Instead of holding partners or friends to impossible standards, remind yourself of this Henry de Montherlant quote about relationships the next time a loved one disappoints you. Acceptance, not constant criticism, forms the basis of deeper love.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
We often judge ourselves harshly, struggling to like who we are. Apply this wisdom inward: you can care for yourself “although” you are imperfect. Practice loving yourself through self-doubt, past mistakes, or awkwardness. Recognize your strengths, but also forgive yourself for the rough edges. This self-love will help you show more understanding in your relationships with others.
3. Make Thoughtful Commitments
Use this mental filter when deciding if you want a deeper relationship with someone. Are you drawn to them only “because” of certain qualities, or are you also prepared to stay connected “although” you see their failings? This approach leads to stronger, more genuine commitment, especially in long friendships, marriages, or family bonds.
4. Resolve Conflicts with Perspective
Arguments and disagreements are natural in close relationships. Instead of withdrawing when someone shows a flaw, remember that love endures “although”. Remind yourself of the qualities that first attracted you, and hold space for the full picture. This way, you will be less likely to give up when faced with difficulties, choosing instead to work together for understanding.
5. Let Go of Idealized Images
It is common to start new relationships with idealistic visions of who someone is or could be. Over time, reality reveals itself. If you want a deep connection, use this quote as a reminder to love people for who they really are. Let go of impossible “shoulds”, and accept that nobody is perfect—yourself included.
✨ The Motivation Message
You are absolutely capable of deep and lasting love—yes, the kind that accepts and uplifts, even when it gets tough! Life will hand you plenty of reasons to like people, but the real magic happens when you choose to keep loving, even as you see the whole truth. That’s where the strongest bonds are built. Don’t let minor annoyances or imperfections stop you from caring deeply. Forgiveness, patience, and celebration of differences make you a strong friend, partner, or sibling! 🌱
When you embrace this mindset, your life grows richer—full of trust, understanding, and true connection. Remember, everyone has flaws, and that is what makes relationships real and interesting. The courage to love “although” instead of only “because” is what sets you apart! 💪 Take this wisdom with you today: lean in, accept, and keep loving bravely.
About Henry de Montherlant
Henry de Montherlant, who was born in 1895 and died in 1972, was a French novelist, playwright, and essayist. His works often explored the emotional struggles of individuals and the challenges of genuine connection among people. Raised in a noble family and marked by early personal losses, Montherlant developed a sharp sense of the complexities in human relationships, which shaped both his writing and his worldview.
With a reputation for his precise language and unflinching look at the realities of love and loyalty, Henry de Montherlant left behind influential novels and plays that questioned traditional ideas about society and affection. He was both praised and criticized for his sometimes controversial perspectives, but he never shied away from expressing his personal truth. This quote about loving “although” rather than just “because” is a fitting example of his belief in honest, unadorned relationships. It captures the enduring theme in Montherlant’s work: genuine love asks us to see the whole person and to care for them, faults and all.
